Have you ever heard someone say, I can’t imagine what I would do if I lost my child, my parent, my sibling?

Many people can’t imagine or what they imagine is painful. But it actually happening to you is much more painful.

I can imagine because I have lived through something just as awful. It is the blackest hole you will ever be in when you lose someone very close to you.

When my co-worker says “I can’t imagine,” when I tell her my relief that my son was incredibly lucky to not be working out with the weights when a drunk driver plowed into a building he was in. I can imagine exactly what I would do.

I would fall to the ground in disbelief.

I would be driven to the hospital in a utter state of shock. The 5 mile drive would feel like a 5000 mile drive.

I wouldn’t be able to sleep for months.

I wouldn’t be able to drive without bawling my eyes out for months.

I wouldn’t be able to shower without bawling my eyes out for months.

I wouldn’t be able to be alone with my thoughts for more than a few seconds without thinking of him and bawling my eyes out for years.

I would wish for just 5 more minutes to tell him how much I he meant to me.

I have witnessed the incredible pain that parents suffer when they lose a child. While your life eventually goes back to a resemblance of normalcy, that pain is always there, just below the surface, waiting to reignite at the slightest mention of him.

I want you to only have to keep imagining because what it actually feels like is so much worse than what you can ever imagine.