Most days I’m able to “fake” it through the day.

I stil have those days where I just want to curl up in a ball an die.

Am I suppose to pretend to be happy?

It was just a few months ago that the one person I grew up with DIED. Am I am just suppose to pretend to that it never happen? that he never existed? that i wasn’t some how part of what happened to him.

I miss him every day.

some days it is easier than others to pretend. but it is a struggle every single. day.

especially on days where my youngest child asks me…

“i wonder what being dead feels like.”

“Dont you mommy?”

“No I don’t.”

“I don’t know want to know”

well, sometimes I do wonder.

what does being dead feel like.